Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just gift wrapped bread.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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