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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.

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• (831): View more from California

  The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.

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• (949): View more from California

  Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.

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• (925): View more from California

  Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.

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