I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
