We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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