I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
