Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
