I heard we made out
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
