I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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