Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
