You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
