i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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