i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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