He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
