some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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