Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
