I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
