You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
