Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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