I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
