I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
