i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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