There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
