i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
