I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
