Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
