Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
