he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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