We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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