I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
