you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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