$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
