fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
