Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
