I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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