please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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