allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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