i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
