so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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