my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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