I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
