you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
