Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
