Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
