Your face is a jimmy john
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
