I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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