are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
