I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
