Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
