Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
