Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
