I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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